It has been so long since I've written, but it's for the best. My head was in the clouds of suburbia and make believe, and everything that comes with the atmosphere is not reality. It's so good, it hurts. I completely understand that phrase, and I'm still trying to decide if I want to revisit that sweet and sour place.
While at home, most of my time was spent enjoying my own company, and thinking about how I used to spend my time at home when I lived there. So of course I thought a lot about Tom, and of course i am still talking to him. I'll just cut to the chase, I spent a lot of time with Tom. We lived a fairytale while we were both home, helplessly in love, no arguing, just a wonderfully fun time with the man I wish I could be with.
But like I said, I was in clouds, blinding me from the reality check I'd get when I came back to the city. Thankfully we didn't make any quick decision to get back together, because I would have regretted it the night I got back.
Now I'm in a new cloud. A stress cloud. It blocks out my ability to take the time to write my thoughts out. Usually, this is very therapeutic for me. Definitely up to par with hot, steamy, hour long showers. When I have so much to think about, I wish I had sticky notes in my head, instead of on my macbook pro. The ones on my desktop work, but only when I'm looking at them. I need to organize my brain, get my shit together, and just plow through the field.
But I'm not as strong as I'd like to be, and if you're in Union Square, at the Barnes and Noble, and wander into the self help section, I'll probably be there. I'll be searching for advice on how to stop melting away. I'm melting into into a mush of myself, an oatmeal version. Bland and squishy, and only good with some brown sugar. Brown sugar meaning my friends, or my Tom, or my family.
I'm not sure how this can relate to me right now, but this song seems to grab my soul, therefore played over and over on my iphone. "So take me and save me..."
The Rocket Summer, "Never Knew"
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