The Chatty Cathy & Betty Blogger Show

Lets begin in December 2006. I met a man, let's call him Tom.  With spring blossomed an unexpected love, the first of its kind in my small short-lived life.  By summer Tom and I practically lived together.  Sure, that is complete exaggeration, but two people should really not have spent as much time together as we did so early in our relationship.  The dependency would soon hurt us.  

The autumn winds blew me from my small conservative New England town to the city that never sleeps.  This change in my life had been long anticipated, and as much as I looked forward to it, there was a big, strong, loving hand holding my heart.  Tom took it with him to his new residence, which was located just far enough from home that he could feel like he was doing something with his life.

The wind blew hard, the leaves turned brown, and the sweet turned sour.

I always believed our feelings were strong enough to keep us together.  However the more he suspected me of things I'd not done, the more suspicious I became of him. I knew enough about his past to know there were now temptations all around him and he would not have the control to resist.

My heart was broken, one month ago to be exact.  What I've learned so far, is that the only type of feeling holding us together now was our feeling of dependency.  The sad and pathetic feeling that he is the only person I'll ever be able to love.   Tonight I learned he felt the same way, but also learned he quickly moved onto a hopeful replacement.  A more convenient girl.

I try to forget the fact that she resembles me.  I want to concentrate on the confession he made to me today.  That while he enjoys her company, & in my speculation he's most likely receiving decent pleasure from her, it will "never work" because he "always thinks about me while he's with her."  

So now what?

Continue to helplessly hold onto feelings for someone who is so needy he finds a replacement within weeks of our breakup, but at the same time still loves me so much he cannot bear to live without me.  Should I hold on to our relationship, knowing I will be in the big city for three more years, while he's fucking the next best thing.

I'd like to thank the mighty forces above that I am not that pathetic... but mainly thank my friends and my family for talking enough sense into my sorrowful self.

..Because let's be real,

while I was tied down to a townie,

i did not live as adventurous any new yorker should.

My goals: to completely emerge from my shell by meeting new people, trying new things, and having the best time of my life, in the best city in the country.

My song of the moment:

Mr. Blue Sky by ELO